A Bookworm Diary

This is a diary of a woman who finds considerable pleasure in reading books.

Episode 4

     Some say a word about the appearance and the looks of other people, which is always unnecessary. When I was a child, my elder sister teased me saying that my eyes were small. One day, one of my classmates stared at me for a while and sneered at me saying that I had a dark complexion. I ceased to love my boyfriend when I heard him say something about my body contour. Even now, it is not rare to hear someone talk about other people's appearance as well as mine. As far as I'm concerned, it is their behavior, the very act of criticizing or speaking ill of what the other people were born with, which lacks grace.
     Every time someone hurts me, however, it dawns on me that they were once hurt by someone else as well. My sister was, in fact, an obese child and used to be made fun of. I later learned that the classmate sadly grew up often hearing her mother talk ill of her looks, and the whiteness of her skin was the only point her mother spoke well of. As for my boyfriend, he had an inferiority complex about being short and never forget to wear thick soled shoes.
     I have a friend who was working in the beauty industry. She used to be plain looking yet turned fashionable. She is actually attractive and has been dating with a number of men. She once told me how she felt when she heard men appreciate her looking. Contrary to my expectation, her talk was highly critical yet frustrating. She said that these kinds of praises and flatteries always inspired her with distrust and led to the breakup of the relationships. Men's appreciation of her face, make-ups, fashion, and nails never made her happy because she could not accept their comments without facing the same question no matter how sincere they were: "What if I lose all the things you appreciate? Will you still love me?"

     "It's natural that they think I'm cute. They don't know how much effort did I make to change. They don't know how much does it cost to cover up all my flaws. They don't know how much do I sacrifice to modify myself according to the criterion of what most men think to be attractive." This is what she told me (To my surprise, she was a born feminist critic).

     Recently she had quit her job as a manicurist. She confessed she gradually came to have a sober opinion of what she was doing and lost all passion for the job. Her dream was to make people happy by making them beautiful, and she spent nearly a decade working hard believing that she could do so. Nevertheless, most of the people she encountered were those who was not happy however much beautiful and gorgeous they had become.

     Her story taught me talking about how people look does not make anyone happy regardless of whether it is an appreciation or an insult, and does not do without leaving some emotional scars on them. I wish I am always conscious of what I love when I love someone.